Depression is depressing! Once you’re in that state it can be extremely hard to muster the motivation and willpower to get yourself out of depression! Many times, we need help from loved ones and or professionals to overcome depression.
I know because I found myself in a depression eight years ago when my oldest two kids, Lage (now 14), and Maria (now 11) were 6 and 3 respectively.
I am originally from the USA, but I met my husband and moved to Sweden in 2004. We have three kids, two of which have ADHD. We now live in a small cabin in the mountains of Sweden.
We all have periods in life where we feel down. Feeling Down can have many sources. Another member of your household could become ill or have a diagnosis that affects the entire family unit. You could have a series of mishaps and financial setbacks, or just feel alone and friendless. Seeing the early signs of a negative alteration in your general mood can be a signal for you to begin self-care. Being proactive can keep your negative feeling from snowballing into a full-fledged depression!
Many factors contributed to my gradual decline into depression
- The strains of adjusting to parenting two kids
- Moving away from friends. We moved closer to my husband’s parents three years before, I Left some close friends behind and felt that I wasn’t connecting with people in our new location as easily as I hoped.
- My husband often worked overtime, and I was on my own with the kids. Many weekends and evenings when I was off work, he was working.
- My son was in the middle of screening for possible ADHD (Screening is a much longer and more thorough process in Sweden than it is in the USA), and the Lady who was working with him became chronically ill. His screening fell through the cracks. We had to start over a year or so later!
- I subconsciously missed my family and home in the States although I wouldn’t allow myself to admit it!
- We bought a house that we knew had potential, but it was small. I didn’t know how to make it work for us.
- We were young parents who were constantly running out of money partly because our occasional trips to the USA to see family and car troubles ate up all our savings! I had to make 20$ stretch for two weeks on several occasions!
- My work was rather frustrating! I felt that I wasn’t given any real responsibility, that I suddenly wasn’t allowed to do certain things that I had been trusted with while working the same job several Sommers, and I could never get an answer why things had changed. Had I done something wrong and no one wanted to tell me?
- I was working for my husband’s parents. This made problems at work more difficult because they were also private problems. It’s not always easy to work with family no matter how much you like each other.
- Some major changes were made at work outside my control.
- I was sleeping poorly. The kids woke me up at night, and I couldn’t go back to sleep! This sleep problem snowballed into my not being able to fall asleep at all! I would dread going to sleep at night because I could be awake tossing and turning all night! I went to doctors for help, but they refused to prescribe melatonin (You need a prescription for that in Sweden), and nothing they suggested help me sleep any better!
- Poor Sleep made me feel like a zombie! I was out of energy and couldn’t manage to keep the house looking good and keep up with the kids!
- Our house got messier and messier, and consequently, I didn’t want to have people over, and I felt it was extremely embarrassing if someone happened to stop by!
- That caused me to be less social when I needed to be more social to feel less depressed! I needed to feel that I was deepening relationships, and instead, I ended up alienating myself from everyone!
- I was struggling with body image after my second child.
- My husband was often sick one week out of every month. No one else in the family got what he had. His mother (A Nurse) says he had trouble with high fevers ever since he came back from a trip to Africa. We suspected it was Malaria, but couldn’t get the doctors to do anything about it! (Years later we begged special malaria medicine from a friend traveling to India. My Husband ate the pills the next time he got sick and he never had a bout of that sickness again!
All these factors contributed to the fact that I began to feel depressed. I didn’t want to get out of bed, and I would get sick often.
Once I was sick, I would stay at home as long as possible. I dreaded going back to work and being forced to be social.
Annie Eklöv
My sleep deteriorated, and for the first time in my life, I couldn’t fall asleep! I had been sleeping poorly because the kids were up at night, but now I couldn’t seem to fall back asleep after getting up with the kids. This problem snowballed into a new problem I couldn’t fall asleep when I went to bed!
I tossed and turned! Often watching the clock the entire night! I felt like a zombie. My extreme tiredness made me feel detached from reality.
This pervasive tiredness slowly burnt me out! I couldn’t find the energy to take care of the kids and keep the house clean! I made sure the kids were safe, fed, read to, and put to bed on time, but dishes piled up in the sink, the toilet needed scrubbing, and piles of toys littered the house!
I honestly didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t want to see anybody outside my immediate family, and I didn’t care that our house was a mess!
I knew that I needed to change my sorry state to help my family, but I couldn’t seem to muster the necessary effort to pull myself out of the pit!
One day, the tiny community we lived in organized a day of brännboll (A Swedish form of baseball). My husband, David, who had been looking forward to going with our kids, became sick.
He musted up his strength and walked up to the soccer field with our oldest. A neighbor could watch Lage while they played, so he came home and went to bed. When it was time to go get Lage, He was only half awake and wasn’t feeling well. I desperately wanted to stay home, but I couldn’t force my sick husband to get up when he looked so poorly!
Dreading the fact that I needed to be friendly and social, I walked up to the community event. I felt talking to people was awkward because I had been at home so long, but I found myself enjoying being social with my neighbors.
When I got home my husband expressed his concern for my state of health and his concern for the kids.
He went on to explain that he and the kids were having a hard time picking up the pieces while I wasn’t doing well.
His way of stating things was not accusing or demanding just worried, and this spoke to me! I decided right there that I was going to do everything it took to get myself back to normal!
Annie Eklöv
My Husband Unknowingly Motivated Me to Reverse My Depressed State
My Husband finally expressed that he and the kids were having a hard time picking up the pieces when I was doing so poorly! Hearing an honest need for me to become an active helper in our home again made me determined to get myself in order and get our home in a better state.
Annie Eklöv
Just because I changed my attitude and decided to make changes for the better did not mean that I immediately felt better!
If you have been feeling low for a long time, it can take some time to get yourself back to normal.
How I Turned My Depression Around. Seven Tips!
I found that some simple lifestyle changes drastically changed my outlook on life, and my ability to function, in the situation I found myself in!
Annie eklöv
- I changed my diet. I started eating a candida diet because I read several books about candida, and I had many of the symptoms. My doctor said that changing to a low-carb diet wouldn’t hurt me, and I could see how I felt after several weeks. I felt much better! After three weeks on this diet, I even started sleeping better!
- I made a cleaning schedule and made it a priority to do a little every day. I didn’t have the energy to clean for hours on end, but just doing a little every made me feel better about the house.
- I decided to get outside every day! Studies say that walking in the forest every day can keep you from feeling depressed! I tried to take short walks in the forest behind our house even if they were only 10 min walks! https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/sour-mood-getting-you-down-get-back-to-nature
- I started taking vitamin B. A multivitamin that had all the B vitamins. I cut my hair and sent it in for analysis and I had very low B vitamins! I had some other vitamins that were low as well and I started eating the dose of vitamins that the hair analytics company recommended. This helped my mood, but I ate the vitamin for a couple of months before I noticed that I felt less down and less irritable. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/expert-answers/vitamin-b12-and-depression/faq-20058077#:~:text=Vitamin%20B%2D12%20and%20other,may%20be%20linked%20to%20depression.
- I joined a Gym that had child care and started working out 1-2 times a week. This made me physically stronger, but it also improved my mood and got my heart rate up. I signed up for group classes each week that had penalties if you didn’t show up or called to cancel at the last minute without a good reason. This motivated me to go even if I didn’t feel like it!
- I spent some time every day doing some sewing, which was my favorite hobby at the time. I think all hobbies can be helpful when trying to find your way out of depression. Having a hobby to look forward to can brighten your day! When you finish a project that you are proud of, it gives you a satisfying feeling of accomplishment!
- I tried to reintroduce humor. My husband and I watched funny movies, and I tried to laugh at myself when I goofed up instead of getting down about it! We like the movies What About Bob, Nacho Libre, While You Were Sleeping, The Princess Bride, Napolean Dimonite, and The Blues Brothers to name a few American classics. If you can look at things from a different perspective and laugh at your circumstances it helps your brain destress. Laughter Therapy is becoming more and more common. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/
Depression is caused by reduced neurotransmitters (norepinephrine, dopamine, serotonin) in the brain, as well as problems with the brain’s mood control circuit.
(Source) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/
Pub Med published a study about the therapeutic benefits of Laughter for Mental Health. They looked at Laughter Therapy (A cognitive-behavioral therapy) and how it could improve quality of life.
Laughter therapy is a powerful non-pharmacological, alternative treatment and is proven to have a positive effect on mental health and the immune system!
Laughter can improve your health physically, psychologically, and socially and it’s easily accessible! You don’t need to book a therapy session at your local hospital to enjoy the benefits!
Pub Med explains that three reasons caused the medical community to begin including laughter therapy along with more traditional therapies.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27439375/
- Laughter decreases stress-making hormones that are found in the blood. Levels of cortisol, epinephrine, growth hormone, and 3,4-dihydrophenylacetic acid, are decreased by laughter indicating a reversal of the stress response.
- Laughter can alter dopamine and serotonin activity.
- Endorphins secreted by laughter can help people in a depressed mood or when they are uncomfortable.
Laughter therapy is a Scientifically supported therapy that can help stress and depression on its own or together with more traditional treatments.
You don’t need any special equipment, expensive doctors, or a specific environment to laugh!
To get the Laughter Flowing You Can Try. . .
- Watching a funny movie with your spouse
- Listening closely to stories your kids tell you. Often kids tell funny stories if you pay attention. Listening and laughing with your kids encourages Limbic Bonding!
- Learning new jokes
- Get a group of friends together to have your own laugh therapy!
- Make an effort to Laugh at your mistakes and all the mishaps that happen in your home! When the milk fell out of the fridge and exploded all over my kitchen I could either chose to cry, get frustrated, or laugh! If we often chose the laughing option we train our brain to laugh at the small setbacks life throws at us! That sets us up for a happier future!
I am not giving medical advice. I am only sharing what helped me because I hope it can help you too! If you have problems with depression please implement some of my suggestions as well as seeing a medical professional.