Aspects of Self-Care that We Often Ignore

When reading about ideas for self-care, I seem to repeatedly read the same ideas. Because I found myself in a depressed state several years ago, the idea of self-care and how I can continue to keep myself in a healthy mental state is always interesting for me.

Self-care is not only about bubble baths, pedicures, and getting a break from everyday life. Sometimes, it’s the hard things you don’t want to do, like working out daily, decluttering, and spending less than you make, which have the biggest impact on your mental load. These hard tasks can make a bigger longer-lasting impact than a bubble bath ever could.

I love bubble baths I just took one yesterday! They feel good, and they help me sit and process big events or life changes, but as soon as I get out of the bath I am forced to come back to reality!
When I’m met by a pile of unwashed dishes, toys on the floor, general disarray in my home, as well as whiny children, when I step out of the bathroom, my serenity, is short-lived.
Annie Eklöv

If I first take time to declutter (yes decluttering can be a way to exercise self-care), and have some systems for cleaning in place, then when I step out of the bath and see a house that is in acceptable order (It’s probably not perfect), I can pull on my reserves to deal with my whiny children lovingly and not be completely overwhelmed by the mess.

Self-Care is a Complex Concept. Self-Care can be things we do to prevent ourselves from stressing out or becoming depressed as well as much-needed pauses from a busy life.

Decluttering

I decluttered many rooms in my house this last year and having less stuff/junk to manage has reduced my mental load considerably. The first problem that I tackled was the kids’ toys!

Several years ago, when I was completely overwhelmed by the everyday demands of my ADHD kids, and my husband began working away from home 5 days a week, I finally decluttered because I could not keep up with the toy mess that my kids were constantly creating!

At that point, I had no desire to be a minimalist, and I had no desire to declutter anything else in our home! I noticed that we had so many different types of toys that my kids were completely overwhelmed and confused when I asked them to put the toys away, which motivated me to minimize our toy hoard.

The fact that I was now solely responsible for the home, and I was working 8:00 to 16:00 made me realize that there are only so many hours in a day! If I didn’t take some steps to minimize our toys I knew that I could not keep the house in order!

I needed to be present and help my kids sort the toys if I wanted my son age seven and my daughter age 4 to pick them up.

The solution I came up with was to. . .

Get rid of all the toys that my kids did not play with.
- This was hard for me. I bought some toys that I really liked and I wanted my kids to play with them. My kids did not like those toys! I had to let go of the fact that I spent money on the toys, and that I was emotionally invested in the toys! I just needed to let them go!
Get rid of all the toys that do not fit in a major toy category.
- Examples of major toy categories are Legos, Duplos, wooden toy trains, pet shops, and Barbies, among other things.
Designate a play area in your home.
Make a toybox exchange system. Put the categories of toys that you keep in plastic boxes one for each category, and your kids can only have one at a time.
- Only get out one type of toy at a time. Having fewer toys out makes it easy for the kids to pick up themselves.

Having less stuff to manage lessens our mental load. If you want to read a fun illustration of mental load you can read the French comic drawn by Emma. https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

Budgeting

Part of Self-care is reducing stress. I was incredibly stressed the first few years of my marriage. We were poor university students, we had our first child, and we bought a house which stressed our financial situation.

During months when we needed to pay both our student loans (I moved from the USA to Sweden in 2004, and In Sweden, you pay student loans 4 times a year) we barely had any money left over!

Once, our car broke down, and we had to borrow money from my husband’s parents! I was thankful that we didn’t need to put the emergency on a credit card, but I didn’t want to be in debt to my inlaws either. During those years I often needed to make a 20$ bill stretch for 2 weeks of groceries!

The financial strain made me incredibly stressed. We were careful not to spend more than we made every month, but if we had been forced to put our emergencies on credit cards it could have been a quick downward spiral for us.

One way to make sure that you don’t spend more than you earn is to make a budget for your monthly financial needs.

Not knowing if you’re exceeding your financial limits every month is incredibly stressful. If you know that you have credit card debt growing every month, make a plan to pay it off as soon as possible! No one should live with that kind of long-term stress.

Make sure your budgeting for some savings even if you have a tight budget. Having a contingency fund to cover emergencies can lower your stress levels.

Every family needs to take stock of what their emergencies can cost and budget accordingly.

We ran into problems when we bought a new car.
It was the most expensive car we ever owned which we bought from a well-known dealership, but we had problems with the car before the guarantee from the dealership expired.
This should have been a sign that we needed to cut our losses (500 dollars) and ask the dealership to take the car back. We were not that smart. In the end, the car cost us more than we paid for it in repairs!
Annie Eklöv

Car trouble, medical emergencies, dental problems, the birth of a child, and losing a job can all cause financial strain.
If you don’t have an emergency fund problems like these can stress you out.
If you already have stresses in your life like caring for special needs kids, elderly parents, or working a high-stress job making sure that measures are in place to ensure your financial stability is a way of caring for yourself.

Several years later when we had managed to save a little, I found that having savings relieved the extra financial stress I felt during our first years of marriage.

Working out daily

I try to do a daily workout for 8 mins a day. Honestly, it’s so short that I should never let myself find an excuse!

As I am writing this I haven’t done my workout for over a week, and I keep reminding myself that I need to get back in the habit. I have been outside most days doing projects in our yard that require physical activity, but doing a core workout every day is a good idea no matter what!

Working out can. . .

Help Maintain a healthy body weight
Give you more energy
Lower your blood pressure
Decrease the risk of heart disease
Exercising can help you regulate sleep patterns. Exercising in the morning or early afternoon can help you fall asleep quicker at night
Lowers the risk of type 2 diabetes
Reduces the risk of certain cancers
Studies show that exercise can improve your self-esteem even before you see changes in your body.
Increases muscle strength and function
Improves bone health and strength
Helps to promote positive mental health
Reduces the risk of dementia
reduces depression symptoms

Working out has been proven to treat mild to moderate depression by decreasing depression symptoms.
15 min of Running or an hour of walking every day reduces the risk of major depression by 26%.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/more-evidence-that-exercise-can-boost-mood

Studies found that exercise was as effective as medication for treating depression.
They also found that if you create a schedule for your workouts it can prevent you from relapsing. The best thing about exercise as a form of medicine is that it has no bad side effects.
(by The Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health)

(Source) https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/more-evidence-that-exercise-can-boost-mood

(Source) https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/news/hsph-in-the-news/physical-activity-depression-risk/

(Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC474733/

Cleaning and Tidying

Having a tidy house is not one of my strong points! That’s why it’s extremely helpful for me to declutter often.
Annie Eklöv

I forced myself to declutter several years ago because my kids continually pulled out all their toys at once as well as other stuff to make tents or use in pretend games. Because they have ADHD, it’s extremely hard for them to sort the mish-mesh of stuff into the correct bins.
I couldn’t handle the mess alone when my husband suddenly began working away from home 5 days a week!
Decreasing the amount of stuff we owned reduced the time it took me to tidy up. That freed up more time to do dishes, laundry, and other cleaning tasks.
Annie eklöv

My house is still not perfect, but it’s much better than it was before I decluttered! Having a Clean home definitely perks up my mood, and doing a little bit of cleaning every day can eliminate the need for spending entire Saturdays cleaning indoors.

I clean a little every day, but I also have days where I clean all day. Often these deep cleaning days are determined by guests coming over, a special event, or that my messy house exceeded my own tolerance for mess!
Annie Eklöv

I am not a super organized cleaner, but I know people who are and they swear by their cleaning schedule!

There are numerous cleaning schedules out there to pick from, but it’s not hard to make your own which caters to your home. If you want to adopt a ready-made schedule searching Pinterest will give you many options.

It’s most important to get the weekly tasks on the schedule. The Daily tasks can be good to write down, but often we just automatically do them. It’s the extra things like vacuuming the stairs, cleaning the bathroom sink, and changing the sheets that we often run out of time for.

Scheduling the tasks that we often procrastinate doing and turning them into bite-sized portions that we can do six days a week, can reduce your mental load.
Annie Eklöv

A cleaner home makes you feel positive and you avoid. . .

Cleaning in a panic because you can’t stand the mess any longer.
Being ashamed of your home when you have spontaneous guests.
Needing to say no when relatives or friends want to come and stay, because your home isn’t in order, or because your guest room became a storage room.
An overload of mental load. A great comic that explains mental load is called ”You Should Have Asked” and was drawn by a French comic artist Emma. You can find her comic here https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
Raised cortisol levels
Poor concentration. Being in a disorganized space can cause your mind to wander and it can be harder to concentrate on your task.
Clean homes have fewer allergens. Having too many items in your home can make it harder to clean and dust. Dust and mold can cause allergies.

(Source) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19934011/

(Source) https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/ss/slideshow-common-household-hazards

Do Outside Chores

Getting Sweaty and dirty doing outside projects like gardening, making a treehouse with my kids, or landscaping helps me get rid of stress! I like to hack away at weeds, dig a new path for the garden, or hammer on the new chicken coop we are building with the kids!

These activiies are good for you partly because they are exercise, but there are other benefit from getting outdoors!

The sun replenishes your vitamin D.
Walking in Nature improves your mental health.
Exercise is good for you!

(Source) https://news.stanford.edu/2015/06/30/hiking-mental-health-063015/

Soaking

We have a wilderness hot tub (A hot tub heated by fire) sitting among the trees near a river. I find that sitting in the hot tub and looking out at nature is a great way to relax and relieve stress.

I believe that part of the serenity of it is that the hot tub is placed in nature. If you can get out of the city and swim in the ocean, in a stream, sit in a natural hot spring, or book a spa day in an outside location all of these can be extremely beneficial.

Shinrin-yoku (Forest Bathing)

Shinrin-yoku Isn’t exactly what it sounds like it can include bathing in the forest, but it mainly refers to bathing as soaking in the forest surroundings.

The basic concept of forest bathing is to walk around in the forest and go where you feel like going. It’s not to get from point A to point B. You may get nowhere at all. If you are attracted to certain smells walk in that direction. Use all of your senses and soak up your surroundings.

Forest Bathing can include. . .

Eating in the woods
Doing art
Playing with clay or doing pottery
Doing crafts
Taking a swim in a woodland stream
Sitting in a natural hot spring
Doing breathing exercises
Climbing trees
Forest Bathing can be practically anything you can do in the forest that you use all your senses doing and which is not done in a large, loud group.

Forest bathing has positive physiological effects, such as. . .

Blood pressure reduction
Improvement of autonomic and immune functions

Forest Bathing has positive psychological effects such as. . .

Alleviating depression
Improving mental health.

(Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6589172/

(Source) https://time.com/5259602/japanese-forest-bathing/

Spending Time in Nature (Getting out of the city)

I think most everyone knows that spending time in nature is good for you it’s just that many of us get so caught up in the workings of our home we forget to get out of our homes and out of the city!

According to research 120 minutes, a week is a magic number!
Mathew P. White found that two hours of nature a week was enough for amazing health benefits!
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-44097-3?fbclid=IwAR3G-raHSnyJl6M_wnVYweU_8GmMgiCyKqWTxpVczI6-F5ZvZMfO8yhiWjQ

I believe that you can experience health benefits from just going outside (vitamin D for example), but actually getting to nature where you can find a hiking trail, a waterfall, a beautiful view, a foreset, picnic benches in the woods, etc. seems to have extra benefits.

For Example, studies found that standing by a waterfall or ocean causes you to soak up extra negative ions.
Negative ions basically increase oxygen to the brain, and help to reduce depression and stress!
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3598548/

Any time spent in Nature is beneficial, but between 120 minutes and 300, a week had participants in the study reporting that they felt they were in better health and expressed better general wellbeing. At 200-300 minutes a week, the benefits of nature exposure seemed to peak and people didn’t report extra benefits from spending more than 5 hours a week in nature.

It did not matter how each person achieved 120 minutes in nature. You could take many short walks or spend 1.5 hours in nature on the weekend.
https://e360.yale.edu/features/ecopsychology-how-immersion-in-nature-benefits-your-health

(Source) https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-019-44097-3?fbclid=IwAR3G-raHSnyJl6M_wnVYweU_8GmMgiCyKqWTxpVczI6-F5ZvZMfO8yhiWjQ

(Source) https://e360.yale.edu/features/ecopsychology-how-immersion-in-nature-benefits-your-health

(Source) https://www.webmd.com/balance/features/negative-ions-create-positive-vibes

(Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6213340/

(Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3598548/

Screaming

A friend recently reminded me how much it helps to go into your room, close the door, and scream when you are really frustrated, angry, or upset.

You can let out your frustration without getting frustrated at others or hurting those closest to you.
Of course, you may need to be at home alone or put on loud music if you don’t want to scare your kids, spouse, or roommates.

In Sweden, they have a children’s film called Ronja Rövardottar. Wikipedia translates this to Ronia: The Robber’s Daughter which I feel can be a bit misleading. In the movie, the children holler (to give a loud cry or shout) this was a way to usher in the spring.

Ronja Rövardottar is a classic Swedish movie, but If you are American I guarantee that you will think it’s weird. I thought it was pretty strange myself when I first watched it.

Even though the movie is based on a book by Astrid Lindgren, I had never heard of the Book Ronja Rövardottar before I saw the film. Before I moved to Sweden the extent of my exposure to Astrid Lindgren consisted of a few Pippi Longstocking books that I read growing up in the States.

As strange as Hollering in the Spring can sound maybe we could all use an acceptable way of shouting like a spring shout!
Annie Eklöv

Crying

Sometimes I feel the need to cry. I joked to a friend that I do cry therapy. I was only partially joking.
Annie Eklöv

When things were not going well at home (for example, my son had terrible side effects from two different ADHD medications) I often felt frustrated and helpless.

Sometimes I watched TV shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, the British Version DIY SOS: The Big Build, or the Swedish show Sofias Änglar to get my focus off my own problems. I didn’t do this every week, but when we had a particularly bad week it was comforting.

I watched and I cried as families told their heart-wrenching stories.
A mother thought her child would die of a mysterious sickness, a father was diagnosed with a chronic illness that would eventually take his life, a mother had a stroke, and a child battled cancer.
Sometimes it helps to put life in perspective. Even though I was going through a trying period in my life things could always be worse!
These TV shows helped me empathize with others and gave me an outlet for my tears what wasn’t based on self-pity.
Annie Eklöv

I don’t think it’s healthy for us to keep our emotions locked up inside.

I used to work at a group home for the elderly, and I met a few elderly people with Alzheimers.
The strange thing was that when their Alzheimers became advanced they seemed to let all their emotions out! Sometimes this came out in anger and family members were very sad each time they came to visit.
Not every patience became emotional as their Alzheimers progressed, but it made me think that it’s not healthy to bottle up our emotions or refuse to deal with issues in our life like unforgiveness.
Annie Eklöv

We have all had a good bout of crying at least once in our lifetime. Do you remember the feeling when you didn’t have any tears left to cry? I find that when I reach the point of no more tears, I move from sadness-mode to problem-solving-mode.

Volunteering, The Happiness Trifecta

I know it can be hard to find time to volunteer, but volunteering was what kept my head above water at a low point in my life.
When my ADHD kids were not functioning very well socially, I was isolated from friends at home.
Volunteering once a week gave me a good excuse to ask my extended family to watch my kids, so I could get out and relieve some of my need to be social while I did some good for others at the same time.
Annie Eklöv

How volunteering benefits you. . .

The Happiness Trifecta the ”Helping High” gives your neurochemicals a boost! Helping others releases oxytocin which makes you feel good and it counteracts the stress hormone cortisol. When your levels of Oxytocin are raised, so are serotonin and dopamine! This is known as the Happiness Trifecta that comes from helping others.
It can help you get your mind off your own problems.
When you need child care it can be hard to ask for help. When it’s for a good cause it can be easier to get out of your comfort zone and ask anyway.
It can be easier to find someone willing to watch your kids when it’s for a good cause.
Helping others makes you feel good too. It releases oxytocin and when your oxytocin levels are higher it causes you to want to help others even more.
You practice putting yourself in another’s shoes, and the part of the brain that allows you to show empathy gets a good workout.
It stimulates a positive cycle of smiling. When you smile at someone, and they smile back you stimulate their mirror neurons. Mirroring is a way that you can each have a positive impact on each other’s brains.

(source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5508200/

Be completely honest with a friend or loved one

Often it’s not easy to let your exteneded family or closest friends know your not doing well.

When my son went through a tough time with his ADHD he didn’t show his worrying behavior to anyone outside our immediate family. My husband and I thought he was just going through a phase that would pass. In a way this was true (he is now 14 and no longer struggling with many of the problems he had when he was 11), but it took two and a half years for him to do/feel better.

The problem with our keeping silent was that when we finally came clean about how bad things were at home, some of our closest extended family members didn’t believe us!
Annie Eklöv

This is probably because he never displayed his worst behavior (panic attacks among other things) in front of those outside our family.

We were on the verge of burnout because our son was demanding extreme amounts of time and attention as well as derailing the family. His two younger sisters were not getting enough attention from my husband and myself, and my husband and I were tired, stressed, worried, and at our whits end!
Annie

One day, he began his worrying behavior in front of one of our closest family members. This was extremely rare, but it caused those closest to us to get a glimpse into what was happing at home.

I think if we had been open with family and friends about what was going on from the beginning, we wouldn’t have been met with the same skepticism.
Because we kept our problems secrete for six months, it came as a bit of a shock to everyone.
Annie Eklöv

Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses

We all know that keeping up with the Joneses is a game we can’t win! Why do we then insist on buying things to impress others?!
Annie Eklöv

Trying to ”one up” our neighbors not only puts stress on our mental health, but it also strains our wallet! Many people do go into debt trying to keep up their outward facade.

Letting go of the ambition to keep up with the rat race can be a way to feel less stressed and save money. One thing that my ADHD kids taught me is that it’s useless to try to maintain a false front. There is no way I could ever keep up a perfect facade!

Letting go of being perfect can be a lifesaver!
Annie Eklöv

Breaking Unhealthy Ties

Getting rid of old love letters, past keepsakes, or family heirlooms that keep you from moving on, or which provoke bad memories can help you break ties and move forward. Keeping items that hurt you can be a constant reminder of things you would be better off forgetting!

Even if it’s out of sight it’s not necessarily out of mind.
Having clutter in your home (even hidden clutter) can have a cumulative effect on our brains. In other words, research shows that our brains like order.
Living in a cluttered environment can reduce our ability to focus, cause cognitive overload, and reduce our working memory. Living with harmful sentimental clutter negatively affects us, and it could compound these problems.
Annie Eklöv

I suggest that you get rid of any items in your home that remind you of unhealthy relationships.

Get rid of old love letters from past boyfriends. If your love letters are digital delete them from your phone. If you no longer want to have contact with this person I suggest you get rid of the pictures as well and defriend them on social media.

If you’re married keeping stuff from past relationships can leave a door open for divorce.
If you ended a relationship and you are keeping all your sentimental stuff it can keep you from moving on and finding someone to spend your life with.
If you have items that remind you of abuse from family or friends it can keep you from healing.
Annie Eklöv

This may sound tacky, but after you get rid of your stuff tell the world you are free from that relationship. Speak it out loud, preferably more than once. I believe words have power, but if nothing else speaking it out loud several times will help you to believe it!

If your someone who prays end with a prayer.

(Source) https://www.webmd.com/balance/ss/slideshow-clutter-affects-health (Source) https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21228167/ (Source) https://www.pnas.org/content/113/13/3693 (Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK278995/

Radiating Joy

Make space in your home to display the things that bring you, Joy.
Yes, Marie Kondo does have a point here, having things around us that ‘Spark Joy’ does positively impact our mental health!
Having a house full of excessive clutter brings us frustration and negatively impacts our mental health.
Take the time to make space in your home for your most prized possessions. This may require decluttering or it may not, but every time you see your favorite items it will bring you joy!
Annie

I started my decluttering journey with Marie Kondo’s method. Her unusual ideas for decluttering gave me the boost I needed to get started when I really didn’t want to (My husband and my son kept asking me to declutter).

To finish my decluttering I had to move on to other methods. I found that many items sparked joy, and we live in such a small home that I needed to keep decluttering even if it meant getting rid of items that brought me joy.

If when we are decluttering, we insist on keeping everything, we think everything sparks joy, or that everything is special then honestly nothing is really special at all!
Annie

Take Walks in Nature

A walk in the woods, at a beach, or anywhere outdoors improves our health. Being outdoors not only boosts our gut health is also helps us feel positive and reduces symptoms of depression!

I try to go on short walks in the forest every day. Since I made an effort to walk 15 min daily I feel more positive.

Getting some vitamin D from the sun is a big plus. The US National Library of Medicine has an article called ‘Psychological benefits of walking through forest areas’. They found. . .

The results revealed that walking through forest areas decreased the negative moods of “depression-dejection”, “tension-anxiety”, “anger-hostility”, “fatigue”, and “confusion” and improved the participants’ positive mood of “vigor” compared with walking through city areas.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30544682

(Source) https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30544682

If you can’t walk in nature take a walk in your neighborhood. Getting sunlight and exercise are great benefits you can get from walking anywhere.

Invite people to share your life

Invite people over, even if you feel that your house, kids, or life is a mess!
Annie Eklöv

Isolation is not good for humans. There is a reason that the Bible compares us to sheep. We like to live in flocks, and we don’t do well in isolation. We can also do dumb things, as sheep do, like doing exactly what the leader does and forgetting to think for ourselves.

Mirroring is something that happens in relationships. It’s the phenomenon of how two strangers smiling at each other can have a positive impact on each other’s brains.

I first heard of mirroring from Jennifer Kolari. She talked about actively using it to help what she calls gladiator kids.
Gladiator Kids = kids who have a hard time being flexible, who get upset over little things, and who have a hard time transitioning among other things.
I used her mirroring techniques on all three of my kids, but I noticed recently that it seems to have the greatest impact on my youngest child. This method of engaging with her literally helps me avoid melt-downs and tantrums.
Annie Eklöv

To see a film where Jennifer Kolari talks about this method check out our favorite resources! You’ll find it in the menu.

I recently read that mirroring is something that we can do with complete strangers. For instance, complimenting the person at the checkout in the supermarket can evoke a genuine smile. When you smile back you can positively affect both your brains!